Passive aggressive recovery

Email from a reader on the passive aggressive behaviour:

Hi Cathy,

My name is Lance; I am being treated for passive aggressive behavior. My wife printed and showed me your article on About.com: support of divorce. It was entitled to passive aggressive behavior, a form of Covert abuse. I have no problem with your article, I actually agree with most of it. However, I do not agree with my disorder behavior as a form of covert abuse towards her.

I must admit to not being able to find the right words to express things to her. Stumbling over words and what I repeatedly, the wrong word comes out and my meaning is clear. The truth is that I also have a case of dyslexia, will always think my dyslexia will cause me to say the wrong thing. I constantly just when I mean left and so on.

I've been working with a therapist for about 4 or 5 months, so I just started to understand and correct my behavior. I admit that to become a passive aggressive person it took several years of negative conditioning. With negative conditioning, I want to say that I was never allowed to vent my feelings of frustration. I had no outlet, without safety valve. It all built up over several years and passive aggressive disorder purple. My wish is this: I want to learn how to not be one more. Do you have any writings that include ways to overcome this disorder? You can report any writings that would have helped? I will overcome it. I'm not the innocent victim of a slow store clerk. Actually I did not give myself enough time to get to the store.

So why do not agree with the abuse of the term secret? Easy, it's my intention not to injure, abuse or cause ill will. Honestly it isn't. Is the cause of not being able to effectively express the emotions. All the emotions they need an outlet, positive and negative ones. How do you express the negatives with out causing resentments? This has been my path of this disorder. And I'm pretty sure that other people have taken the same path before me and after me.

My wife and I with her first husband. He was a drug addict and an alcoholic. He used crystal meth, an insidious drug. Did you know that drugs cause the user to lie and distort things? This is a way that the drug has to justify itself to the user. The intern user sends what you're saying the drug as truth. And starts a vicious circle. It is a vision skewed in favor of a chemical dependency. He allegedly told her that he wanted to be different and that other. Meanwhile he sank further into drug addiction. I'm afraid and I have no desire to take alcohol. So I told my wife that I will be fine. The difference between me and him is I mean. I passed this disorder. I want the good physical health and mental health too. The first step is to admit it, yes I admit to having a passive aggressive behavior. Yes, I admit that I have caused stress in my wife. No, she did not deserve. My responsibility is to delete what he wrote on the press of your article. What wrote was this: wow! All my feelings validated in a website! I carry that print with me, usually in a trouser pocket or glove box of my car. What wrote, and what you've written hits home.

Lance

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Passive Aggressive Sex

Have you ever had a nice day with your husband only to be rejected sexually at the end of the day? You lay in bed replaying the events of the day in your head. There were no arguments; both seemed to be enjoying yourself. It was an expensive outing at a local mall, but your husband do not complain, he even made several purchases for himself.

So what happened to that man loving you spent the day with? Where is the man who seemed happy to be with you and eager to please?

Don't worry, he is still there. Now he is passive aggressively punishing you for what he was unwilling to express to you first. That day, expensive shopping bother him. Bothered him tremendously and now you should be punished for engaging in an activity that has failed to be honest with you about.

According to Scott Wetzler, author of living with the passive aggressive man, "abstinence is a common complaint from women involved with passive aggressive men. If he is in a financial pinch, he'll take you to the night but remember that the costs of the evening are a huge burden. Then He'll make up charged by refusing to have sex. But if you offer go Dutch, before he suggests, you should take as a gesture of emasculating. And still he'll make you pay, taking sex. His sexual rejection, however, is usually hidden under the guise of a transparent excuse: he is sleepy, sick, anxious to work. "

If you try to get a passive aggressive man to admit he punish, by sex and he will look at you as if you have three heads. My ex husband was passive aggressive. His favorite way of punishing me was to withhold sex. He punished me so often that intimacy that we have an average of six times a year.

I did what most women who are punished in a way. Internalized it, made on me. If I were looking better, subtle, a better mother or wife better my husband would like to be intimate with me. Here's what most women, married with passive aggressives; they doubt yourself and buy the excuse "too tired".

In other words, we do exactly what the passive aggressive cannot do it openly and honestly. We punish ourselves. His need to punish us happened and he didn't have to say a Word. All it took was carried out by us to bed. He maintains his image of good guy and at the same time ago his wife to pay for not read his mind, and knowing that he was upset and act accordingly.

Most men engage in sex for pleasure, so that they can make a deeper connection with the woman I love. Passive aggressive man not view sex in the same way. Passive aggressive to man sex is not to make an intimate connection with his wife, but to prove to himself that he is not dependent on his wife, he has no need of that intimate connection.

While most men are having sex with their wife to connect more deeply with her, passive aggressive man restrains sex from his wife in order to protect itself and to show her who's the boss. Sex is a weapon to be used, not a way to connect more deeply with his wife.

"Undermining self-esteem without taking action is a passive aggressive crime ideal of man omitted," says Scott Wetzler.

Here are tips for dealing with a husband that restrains the passive aggressive sex:

Don't internalize its behaviour. This is not your worthy or attractiveness. It is about him and his inability to express anger.Call him on his behavior. You say he is upset and you deserve to be told what is wrong rather than punished as a child.Keep in mind that his behavior has to do with fear, the fear of getting close to you, fear of being abandoned by you and probably years of hidden anger towards you.Treatment of torque. A passive aggressive man can change his behavior if there is the motivation and commitment to his marriage.Assure him that it is important to you, you love him and I hope he likes you enough to change unhealthy relationship dynamics.When all else fails, take the decision to stay and accept his behavior or leave the marriage. If, after expressing your desire to save the marriage going to advising and helping to change attitudes destructive exercises, the chances of him ever change is slim to none.

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