Fear of expressing anger by Margaret Paul, Ph.d.
There is much to learn from the rage, but many people are afraid of this feeling, because they don't know how to express anger in ways that are beneficial rather than harmful. I teach a process to my workshop inner bonding weekend called "Process anger". This process is powerful, which is described below, is not only for the suppressed anger in ways that are harmless, but also to find out what your responsibility is in conflict with another person.
Often, when I describe this process in a workshop, some people get anxious and wants to leave. Afraid to anger and to express their anger. This is invariably because they come from a family where one or both parents or other caregivers were angry so violent, Middle-a way that caused harm to others. These people are so afraid to be like their mother or father that they suppress their anger, pulling out on themselves instead of others.
Neither dumped nor anger on others it suppress and take on oneself is healthy. Anger expressed in these ways talk about control rather than learning. Venting anger over another is control through intimidation and guilt. Anger is dumping on themselves on feelings that are more difficult to feel anger, such as anxiety, fear, loneliness or impotence than others.
Anger is an emotion. Is here to tell us something, to teach us how we're thinking or act that is not in our highest good. You may have been taught that the behavior of other people causes your anger, but generally it is not true. Others may behave in ways that you don't like, but your anger against them is often a projection of how are not taking care of yourself-a way to control them rather than take care of yourself.
It is important to distinguish between blaming the rage and anger is justified, which is actually an insult. Indignation is the feeling we have when there is injustice, as seeing someone of abusing a child. Outrage moves to take appropriate action, loving our us or other account.
Blaming the anger comes from feeling like a victim and there is a hook to take personal responsibility for ourselves. This anger leads to learning or healthy action.
The process of anger is a way of expressing anger that leads to learning and growth. When people in my lab wants to leave rather than doing the job, I explain to them that is very important for them to reassure frightened child within this anger isn't like their father or mother of anger – not be expressed with the intent of the control. Is being expressed with the intention of learning.
The process of anger is a three-step process:
Fully express the anger towards a person that you're actually angry with (not in their presence!). Can yell, call names, kicking something and stomp with fists on a pillow or with a sledgehammer, but you can hurt yourself or by anyone else. Ask yourself that this person will remember in the past – parent, teacher, sibling, friend-and then let the angry you yet fully express the anger. Finally-and this is the most important-allow child angry internal express her rage onto you, the adult, for any ways you are not taking care of themselves in this conflict, or any ways you are treating yourself badly.Phase three is the most important, because it brings the issue home to personal responsibility. If you just do the first two parts, you are left to feel like a victim angry. The anger that comes from being a victim is a bottomless pit and will not ever learning and resolution.
Once you understand that you can express your anger with the intention of learning, the fear of his rage will go away. You don't repress your anger in order to not be like your parents. You can express it harmless in The Process anger and know what your anger is trying to tell you.
Margaret Paul, Ph.d. is the best-selling author and coauthor of eight books, including "I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing your aloneness." She is the co-creator of inner Bonding healing process.
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