Shame

We have all felt shame about an action or behavior of our. It's human to make mistakes and more, when they do, try to put those mistakes right.

When we talk about abusive words and actions can disgrace us feel we are talking about something completely different. We feel invalidated, disrespected and diminished by the actions and behaviors of someone else.

Shame, that we feel for our mistake is easier to overcome shame, that we feel due to the actions of those we love. Only someone who lacked the compassion and empathy would have tried to shame the person who supposedly more love.

Examples of words: shame

Stupid,
Silly,
Idiot,
Evil,
Wrong,
Pervert,
Ugly,
Evil,
Muti,
Imbecile,
Crazy,
Fat,
M Retard.

Examples of shaming phrases:
You're like an idiot! "
"What do you think you are?"
"How can be so stupid?"
"Never hear a word I say."
"Playing Video Games is silly".
"Only bad men Watch Playboy."
You're wrong, I'm right! "
"You got fat after we got married."
"You're a retard."

If the spouse is using words to shame you, he/she is trying to dominate it and more than likely are internalizing and believing things your spouse says.

Being shame will pull away from friends and family. Shame tells that you are not worthy of having intercourse. People who feel shame are likely to be angry and blame others for their feelings. It is ironic that feelings of shame, cause the destruction of the same thing you may want … relationship and connection with your spouse.

When shamed by the words of our spouse we withdraw from the very thing that we need to recover … relationships. Not only does shame destroy relationships but also destroy relationships, shame.

Verbal abuse and shaming convinces us we are inferior, but when it is connected with others the respect they receive destroys the shame that we feel. It is important that they remain close to friends and family in the event of a report verbally abusive.

Should cling closely to build up and away from the spouse who does not respect and decreases with words of shame.

Related content:

Your spouse calling you names?
Does your spouse scream, swear and scream at you?
Does your spouse to use threats to intimidate you?
The spouse you blame for their bad behavior?
Your spouse reject feelings?
Your wedding makes you sick?
Is your spouse verbally manipulate you?

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How to overcome adversity and divorce

Divorce, if you choose to divorce or have thrust upon divorce is a time of adversity. How to view and handle adversity will determine how well you navigate divorce. Some say that it takes years to recover from a divorce. This should not be true for you.

You can experience the pain and healing that come with divorce and begin your new life now. What is the key to turn a moment of adversity in a time of growth and healing? You must be able to see your situation from the point of view. If you look for kindness instead of focusing on the negative are set on the path to recovery and growth and not get stuck in the negative .. post continued

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Florida changing its position on food

On Friday, the Florida House civil justice Subcommittee unanimously approved a Bill proposed by Republican Kelli Stargel, R-Lakeland requiring judges to ensure that those who pay foods not wind with significantly less net income compared to the recipient.

The following are the changes that would come about if the Bill becomes law:

The Bill would limit permanent alimony in favour of alimony for a limited time.The proposed legislation would require allocation of food courts do not award alimony permanent if the wife has a job and your income.Current law requires permanent foods for weddings over 17 years in length. The new law would do away with the presumption of permanent food regardless of how long the couple was married.The Bill would require judges to consider food short-term rehabilitation or in long-term marriages. Something that hasn't been allowed before due to the presumption that long-term marriage means permanent food.

Basically, the Bill does away with the idea that women long-term marriages are owed money and requires judges to look at each situation to determine the need for food. If a woman is self-sufficient with its own income is not required. If a woman was a stay at home mom and homemaker with no income or marketable skills, there is no need for food or short-term or permanent.

It makes sense to me!

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Divorce and your credit score

Lenders are not interested in how property and bills are divided at divorce. If you have debt joint account with your spouse, are both responsible for paying it.

Creditors are not legally bound to respect the final decree of divorce. Order of a judge not to ignore what you have to creditors and the majority of lawyers do not warn their customers the possibility of problems if one of the spouses does not follow the court order. Below are some tips that will help keep divorce from ruining your credit.

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Divorce FAQ

Wondering how to divorce? Divorce is not a complicated process. There are certain requirements that you must meet based on the divorce laws of your state before you file for divorce. Once you have filed for divorce on other factors, such as child support, spousal support and the Division of marital property come into play. The following is a list of questions that I hear most often from people who are going through a divorce.

How much will it cost my divorce?

The cost of a divorce is determined by the complex case, and if they are not contestable issues in those cases. An uncontested divorce is naturally going to cost less than a contested divorce. In other words, the more adversarial divorce divorce will be more expensive in the long term. In addition to the costs of a lawyer, you will also have the expense of Court filing fees and other expenses incurred during the divorce.

If your state laws require you to choose a divorce mediator you and your spouse will be liable for those costs. If there are great assets to divide, a company to be valuable or property to be evaluated, you might need the help of a divorce financial analyst. This is another expense that you and your spouse will be liable.

If my spouse cheated on me, can I cite him/her for divorce on grounds of adultery?

If they can't sue for any "reasons" depends on which state you live in. Most States have adopted no-fault divorce laws, which means that an action for divorce may be brought against a spouse without a reason. Be sure to check with a local lawyer to find out what are the laws of your State regarding the causes of divorce.

On the other hand, if your spouse had betrayed the negative behavior may come into play during the divorce settlement negotiations. For example, if a husband/wife cheating spends money on other marital woman/man who the judges will be taken into account when considering how marital assets are divided. A competent divorce lawyer will be able to answer any questions you have about how justices of the peace deals with such situations.

What happens if I do not want a divorce?

Anyone can obtain a divorce if her husband wants one or not. States of no-fault divorce, all you have to do is file your petition for divorce. Some States have laws that require a period of separation, but after that period can be obtained a divorce if your spouse agrees to it or not.

New York is the only State in the United States that does not have laws on no-fault divorce. There are no requirements that you need before you can obtain a divorce in New York. Familiarize yourself with laws on divorce in New York and speak with a local lawyer.

What should I do to get the divorce process started?

There must be a petition for divorce filed with the Registrar. You can do so through a divorce lawyer or you can do it Pro Se without the benefit of an attorney. Once it's submitted a petition for divorce, your spouse will have a certain number of days to respond to the petition.

Once a petition has been filed, the Registrar and stamp and give you a case number. Once it is given a case number and your spouse meets the Court will set a date for a hearing or for court orders temporary or mediation.

What is the difference between a legal separation and divorce?

In a legal separation, there remain married. In a divorce, the marriage is dissolved and any legal relationship between the parties has broken the law.

How does the court determine who gets custody of marriage?

The Court will take into consideration what they feel is in the "best interests of the child." The Court will consider a number of issues when considering the case. Issues, such as the child is living with this, the relationship with each parent and a parent's capacity to care and provide for the child.

Most judges are moving to these days of shared parenting or equal. If you are a parent wanting equal time with her baby I urge you to pursue the right to Parent your child on a 50/50 basis with the child's mother.

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Preparing for divorce

You need a clear picture of where you and your spouse stand financially. One of the primary goals of the process of divorce is the equitable distribution of marital property and debts. In order to get the fair share is imperative that you know what is and what is owed. This is a two-step process:

Determine what you have:

Some marital property are obvious. It is clear that the marital home, any financial accounts and vehicles are activities should be divided equally. Other activities are not so obvious can include artwork, pension plans, inheritance or belongings brought into the marriage.

You should make a list of all possible resources. Collect all documentation regarding each well, including the present value, when and where the asset was purchased and if it was purchased with funds separate or joint. Want a copy of any recent evaluations. Flip all the documentation to your lawyer. Be sure to keep a copy for yourself.

Determine what you need to:

When determining what you owe no matter whose name are in debts. Conjugal debt will be divided based on who is more financially able to pay the debt, hence the name, is in debt. The easiest way to determine the conjugal debt is to get a copy of your credit report. Debts that you will be listed on your report. You will also be able to find out if there is.

Once you determine which debt exists you must obtain statements on all open accounts with the balance to show. When you enable this information to your lawyer, don't forget to keep copies for your files.

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Passive aggressive recovery

Email from a reader on the passive aggressive behaviour:

Hi Cathy,

My name is Lance; I am being treated for passive aggressive behavior. My wife printed and showed me your article on About.com: support of divorce. It was entitled to passive aggressive behavior, a form of Covert abuse. I have no problem with your article, I actually agree with most of it. However, I do not agree with my disorder behavior as a form of covert abuse towards her.

I must admit to not being able to find the right words to express things to her. Stumbling over words and what I repeatedly, the wrong word comes out and my meaning is clear. The truth is that I also have a case of dyslexia, will always think my dyslexia will cause me to say the wrong thing. I constantly just when I mean left and so on.

I've been working with a therapist for about 4 or 5 months, so I just started to understand and correct my behavior. I admit that to become a passive aggressive person it took several years of negative conditioning. With negative conditioning, I want to say that I was never allowed to vent my feelings of frustration. I had no outlet, without safety valve. It all built up over several years and passive aggressive disorder purple. My wish is this: I want to learn how to not be one more. Do you have any writings that include ways to overcome this disorder? You can report any writings that would have helped? I will overcome it. I'm not the innocent victim of a slow store clerk. Actually I did not give myself enough time to get to the store.

So why do not agree with the abuse of the term secret? Easy, it's my intention not to injure, abuse or cause ill will. Honestly it isn't. Is the cause of not being able to effectively express the emotions. All the emotions they need an outlet, positive and negative ones. How do you express the negatives with out causing resentments? This has been my path of this disorder. And I'm pretty sure that other people have taken the same path before me and after me.

My wife and I with her first husband. He was a drug addict and an alcoholic. He used crystal meth, an insidious drug. Did you know that drugs cause the user to lie and distort things? This is a way that the drug has to justify itself to the user. The intern user sends what you're saying the drug as truth. And starts a vicious circle. It is a vision skewed in favor of a chemical dependency. He allegedly told her that he wanted to be different and that other. Meanwhile he sank further into drug addiction. I'm afraid and I have no desire to take alcohol. So I told my wife that I will be fine. The difference between me and him is I mean. I passed this disorder. I want the good physical health and mental health too. The first step is to admit it, yes I admit to having a passive aggressive behavior. Yes, I admit that I have caused stress in my wife. No, she did not deserve. My responsibility is to delete what he wrote on the press of your article. What wrote was this: wow! All my feelings validated in a website! I carry that print with me, usually in a trouser pocket or glove box of my car. What wrote, and what you've written hits home.

Lance

Continued on page two

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