Email from a reader on the passive aggressive behaviour:
Hi Cathy,
My name is Lance; I am being treated for passive aggressive behavior. My wife printed and showed me your article on About.com: support of divorce. It was entitled to passive aggressive behavior, a form of Covert abuse. I have no problem with your article, I actually agree with most of it. However, I do not agree with my disorder behavior as a form of covert abuse towards her.
I must admit to not being able to find the right words to express things to her. Stumbling over words and what I repeatedly, the wrong word comes out and my meaning is clear. The truth is that I also have a case of dyslexia, will always think my dyslexia will cause me to say the wrong thing. I constantly just when I mean left and so on.
I've been working with a therapist for about 4 or 5 months, so I just started to understand and correct my behavior. I admit that to become a passive aggressive person it took several years of negative conditioning. With negative conditioning, I want to say that I was never allowed to vent my feelings of frustration. I had no outlet, without safety valve. It all built up over several years and passive aggressive disorder purple. My wish is this: I want to learn how to not be one more. Do you have any writings that include ways to overcome this disorder? You can report any writings that would have helped? I will overcome it. I'm not the innocent victim of a slow store clerk. Actually I did not give myself enough time to get to the store.
So why do not agree with the abuse of the term secret? Easy, it's my intention not to injure, abuse or cause ill will. Honestly it isn't. Is the cause of not being able to effectively express the emotions. All the emotions they need an outlet, positive and negative ones. How do you express the negatives with out causing resentments? This has been my path of this disorder. And I'm pretty sure that other people have taken the same path before me and after me.
My wife and I with her first husband. He was a drug addict and an alcoholic. He used crystal meth, an insidious drug. Did you know that drugs cause the user to lie and distort things? This is a way that the drug has to justify itself to the user. The intern user sends what you're saying the drug as truth. And starts a vicious circle. It is a vision skewed in favor of a chemical dependency. He allegedly told her that he wanted to be different and that other. Meanwhile he sank further into drug addiction. I'm afraid and I have no desire to take alcohol. So I told my wife that I will be fine. The difference between me and him is I mean. I passed this disorder. I want the good physical health and mental health too. The first step is to admit it, yes I admit to having a passive aggressive behavior. Yes, I admit that I have caused stress in my wife. No, she did not deserve. My responsibility is to delete what he wrote on the press of your article. What wrote was this: wow! All my feelings validated in a website! I carry that print with me, usually in a trouser pocket or glove box of my car. What wrote, and what you've written hits home.
Lance
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