Love is not the solution to marital problems

I had an "aha" moment the other day, when talking to a client to find a solution to his marital problems. She had a list of "things", which has made her irritating. None of which were worth ending a marriage and the dismantling of a family.

Then she says to me, "I'm not in love with him." And it struck me, was not able to see the solution of the problem, because she was basing her desire to divorce on a feeling ... the feeling of romantic love. I began immediately to hum the old song, "What's Love Got to do with" and wondering why people expect to marry and to feel constantly "in love".

There is a difference between romantic love and love involved. Nearly 30 years ago, Elaine Hatfield wrote a book (A New Look at Love) on the theme of love in which she compared and contrasted with the idea of "passionate love and companionate love."... .post continued

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How to recognize and Fix filibuster in marital relationships

Stonewall, is defined as . Engage in delaying tactics; stall: b. to refuse to answer or cooperate. What exactly does this look like in a marriage? Below are some examples of obstruction in a marriage:

Your wife has done something that hurts your feelings, or there is a problem in which you want to discuss marriage with her. Your attempts to communicate your feelings on the situation are met with silence. On his way to avoid conflict is to refuse to participate in the conversation.Your husband spends all sports watch weekend instead of participating in family activities. Sits with him, explain to him, which does not have a problem with the sport to watch but would like for him to take a couple of hours of his weekend to spend with your family. He responds to fold their arms and mumbling, "whatever." Then he went back to watch the game. He is totally disconnected from the family and what the family needs him.Your wife is a shopaholic, so much so that it begins to worry about the financial impact of spending habits. Feels a need to discuss the issue with her and set some limits on his spending. Halfway through the conversation changes the subject; It is no longer on his shopping but now on how much time you spend at work. His taking the spotlight off of his faults and shining on your is a display of complacency. "How dare I point out my faults, when you have your faults." You are not happy with the lack of intimacy in your marriage. Your husband shows no interest in you or sex with you and it is time to communicate the level of pain and rejection that feels. You say that you are concerned about the lack of sex in marriage, that you want to come up with some solutions to this problem, and he leaves. He removes himself from the conversation and the Hall altogether. He has already distanced himself from you intimately, now he is distancing himself from you physically. Not only do not want sex with you, doesn't want to talk to you either. OUCH!

Used to the extreme, the filibuster is a way for one of the spouses to manipulate the other spouse to get what they want. It is a dismissal of what is good for the marriage and both spouses in favor of what is good for one of the spouses.

Men are more prone to stonewall in a relationship, because they feel overwhelmed when a wife wants "talk about feelings" or "discuss problems." We often hear men accuse their wives of "annoying" that, more often than not continued is. .. post

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Marital Affair

Reply:

Nothing is more devastating than finding out that your partner has been unfaithful votes that you have taken together. As you scan through the stages of grief; denial, guilt, anger, and finally acceptance, you may find yourself wondering who is to blame for this. "It was something that did it, or not because of this" is a common question if you've been the victim of a bargain.

One should never assume responsibility for the situation of a spouse. Even worse, a spouse wedding has options and choices. If your spouse is a deal that is not because of something you did or didn't do. The responsibility of the spouse who has chosen to cheat rather than handle their problems more proactively.

Here are some reasons why you aren't responsible for a marital affair.

Spouses cheating because he shared the bond of marriage. Time, invoices, children and life in General can all they atone on marriage. We all realize that we need to work on our marriage to maintain our strong intimacy with others, but other things get in the way, and many couples find themselves drifting apart.

An immature person, instead of handling the problem, try to avoid it by turning out of wedlock. The breakdown of the relationship is usually the fault of both people, but the choice to cheat, the CHEAT.

Spouses cheating because their needs are not met. This usually means one of the spouses feels his or her physical or emotional needs are not met. Again, this can be caused by an emotional distance between spouses, but also can be the difference in sex drive, being too exhausted from other responsibilities to have the energy to sex, or by using sex as a way to control (participating in sex as a reward or punishment for withholding tax).

Held outside of marriage is not the answer to this situation, and an adult will realize that and try to correct the situation through communication and advice. An immature person you start something new with someone else to get that excitement back instead of fixation or terminates the current report.

Spouses cheating because of a crash. Most people reach a point in their lives, usually between 30 and 50, when you realize you are getting older and wonder if they made the right choices in life. It is common for these people ask if there's something more out there than what they have, or feel like I'm in a rut.

They want to regain the feelings they had when they were young, or the emotion felt as a young lover. This is something with the cheat, because of their emotional baggage and is not the fault of the victim of infidelity.

Some spouses cheating because they lack the maturity to have control of pulse and never should have promised monogamy, serial are cheaters. If this was a reason during the dating relationship, rupture due to another man/woman and then come back together, the template will not stop because you take vows of marriage.

A person is not enough to make another person to change. Change must come from within, and that the person has to want to change. This is one area when they think of many spouses, "If only I had been more beautiful or more sexy, or something, they would not have misled." However, that isn't the case. Problem of cheater, not yours.

Some spouses cheating to end the relationship. They are what is defined as a "buy out". Breaking up is hard to do, and some people avoid confrontation or other spouse not agreeing a divorce doing something to cause one. This is the most painful way to end a relationship.

It is common to con want to blame each other on their spouse. However, other than those jointly responsible for the distance that can develop between a pair does not work on their marriage, the cheater has to take responsibility for the cheat. We are each responsible for our actions and the consequences of those actions.

If you are a victim of cheating, realize that choosing cheat was not done by you and had more to do with matters other than yours.

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