Sunday, April 17, 2011

Divorce and pain

When divorced from each of my three sisters, my mother made the same comment. "Divorce is like a death in the family".

Holiday rallies are no longer the same, the dynamic is shifted and everyone must adapt. Human beings are designed for reports, is that of a friend, lover, father or son. When those relationships end, deep roots are not cast aside with the signing of a document. He often takes months or even years to really move forward.

Let's take a look at some of the stages that may occur.

Denial anger bargaining depression acceptance numbness disorganization (caused by intense emotional distress).

Are you or have you experienced some or all of these?

While these stages are usually associated with death, can contain only true for divorce. Grief and mourning are processes that experiences of every human being and not just in the death of a loved one. We grieve for the lost love, for what could or should be. We are saddened by the loss of a family, a family household. The separation in divorce may often be as final as death.

May be surprised by a long and tiring journey of emotions that occur, seemingly insurmountable, endless mountains and valleys.

There is no right or wrong way to work through the individual emotional stages. Being aware that they are there and giving them validation, often times they move is farther along your unique path of pain. Be prepared for unexpected life in future months or even years after it was believed that they were through with it and had moved beyond the scope of the pain.

These events are often more flashbacks triggered by life events such as graduation, or marriage of a child, moving from a House with strong emotional bonds, the birth of a child or grandchild, or death of a loved one. It is generally believed that our painful memories are all stored in the same part of the brain, so a new one may open the floodgates of old memories and the accompanying pain of pain and loss. We can be taken completely by surprise, as they are tormenting memories crashing back as massive tsunami emotional.

These occasional relapses waiting and remembering that there is a date of completion to pain, allowing your emotions to flow through the stages of their individual pace. Also, realize that you can review a phase you thought you were finished with many times, and that's okay. The mind knows what he needs and process information continuously until it reaches a level of acceptance, to go beyond the pain and turn on the first page of the new chapter of your life.

Allow validation for your pain and sorrow and distance yourself from those that undermine your progress. You are a person unique and your suffering, coping and moving skills are as individual as you are. This is the way that we made.

Life is a journey not a destination, and we move forward one step at a time.

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