Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Midlife crisis

The only thing that is common among people whose spouses are going through a midlife crisis is the need to monitor what is happening to them. If your spouse is having a mid-life crisis, I feel sure that you are spending a lot of time trying to understand its behavior.

Maybe I'm to blame yourself for things that are not your responsibility. Maybe you are ignoring your needs and the needs of children … doing back flips trying to make happy your spouse. Maybe you are suffering from depression and anxiety due to the lack of control you have over marital problems, which caused his midlife crisis.

I'm going to give you advice that will be difficult to put into practice. It takes willpower and ability to stand back from the situation and see what it really is. Most of us are people of action. When faced with a problem that we want to take any action that is going to solve the problem.

If your spouse is having a mid-life crisis, there is no action you can take. You are in a situation where not to take any action at all is the best way to respond. You may not be able to save your spouse by his midlife crisis, but there are actions you can take that will save you and your children from being drawn in his crisis.

Focus on your behavior, not its behavior:

You will have to force yourself to stop thinking about his behavior. Don't think about what your spouse is doing or what he/she is doing it with. Accept that you do not have any control over the behavior of anyone but your own. Let go of the need to "do something". You can do anything for the spouse who is suffering from a midlife crisis, unless they come to you for help. If you don't come to you for help, do not provide help or advice. Help yourself, because you can bet the last thing on the mind of your spouse is helping or advising you in anyway. Do not allow his behavior cause conflicts in your life. Setting limits with that kind of behavior is to accept and comply with these limits. Not long, drawn out by chance conversations about what they will not put up with. Lovingly tell your spouse what it is and is not acceptable, and what you will do if they behave so unacceptable. Learn how to develop your emotions in a healthy manner. You are dealing with a spouse irrational, it is important to be able to stay calm and centered ... for your love and those of your children. Work on building good self esteem. If all you can focus on nothing but what he/she is doing then you have problems with self-esteem. You need to learn that regardless of what does your spouse will be fine. Stay active and engaged in life. Exit at least once a week with friends. Remained involved in the Church. Take an art class. Do something is find pleasure in and fills up spiritually and emotionally. If you and your spouse are separated, do not call him/her. Do not initiate conversations about the issues in marriage. Don't tell your spouse how much I love them and want them to come home. Doesn't seem to need to your spouse's midlife crisis. The more they believe that you need them and can not do without them, the more comfortable they are pulling away from you. If you and your spouse still lives in the House, be polite but not spend time in the same room, unless he/she asks for your company. Busy yourself in a different part of the House. Less contact they have with the person causing emotional damage will make you feel better. DON'T make plans that include your spouse. Whether he/she has shown through their behaviour that they no longer want to act "married" so don't expect him/her to engage in family trips or catch a movie with you. Live your life with your children as if you're single. If he is having problems with his relationship with children, it is your responsibility to resolve these problems. The spouse can see any help you offer as interference. The spouse of midlife crisis is looking for any reason to be angry with you and blame you. Stay out half of the relationship with children, and that it will be one less thing to blame on you. NOT to defend themselves against any accusations that makes the spouse. Pushing your buttons and puts them on the defensive is exactly what you want your spouse. If he/she makes an outrageous accusation says, "whatever" and remove yourself from the conversation. Soon learn that cannot be pushed the buttons. Marital therapy suggest NOT, but if he/she makes the suggestion be willing to participate. Take it from me, if you're going to talk about issues with someone going through a midlife crisis is best done in front of a marital trained consultant. If at any time you believe that you can handle it emotionally seek help from your doctor. It is not uncommon for the spouse of a person undergoing a mid-life crisis to sink into a depression. If this is the case, get help and medication if necessary. Focus on what is good in your life. In the midst of trouble, it can be difficult to remain aware of the fact that we are blessed in so many ways. Stop, look around you and count your blessings. If you pay attention, you will see that, regardless of your spouse, you many think you be thankful for. Intervene when he feels helpless. When the spouse is making choices that have a negative effect on your life and that of your children are available options. You can always take legal action to protect yourself, your children and your marital property. Protect yourself and your children from the irrational behavior of a midlife crisis spouse is imperative.

View the original article here

No comments:

Post a Comment